Annie was chattering to me yesterday evening… she does that a lot, so much to say and so little time… anyways she was chattering away about a conversation she’d had with someone else.
“And I almost started to cry when I was saying that I didn’t kiss Granddad goodbye and tell him I love him.”
Said with tears in her eyes. We talked about how every time we said goodbye to Granddad we’d give him a kiss and tell him we loved him. That night and again this morning I watched with interest as Annie very carefully remembered to tell each of us she loved us before we went to bed / work / school.
It is almost 12 months since my father in law passed away and Annie still mentions him at least once a day. I talked to Annie about the anniversary of Granddads death coming up and Annies response was that she did not want to go. We talked about how the anniversary is not like the funeral, it is a special day that happens once a year. Annie didn’t want to go to Granddads funeral, I’ve come to realise she does not like to show her sadness in public, in large groups which don’t feel safe to her. Totally understandable.
A few weeks ago Annie was collecting flowers and put them in a bucket outside our front door, she wanted to sell the flowers to our neighbours to raise money to make clones of people who had died so that no-one had to be sad anymore.
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| From Sept 30, 2009 |
I wish I knew a way to help her not be sad anymore.
16 responses so far ↓
Lee Jamieson // October 27, 2009 at 3:16 pm |
It’s a long road, that. Can only suggest that continuing to talk about it is a really good thing.
Lee
leechbabe // November 3, 2009 at 8:33 am |
Thank you Lee (and good to virtually see you again
). Yes talk helps, remembering the granddad is gone but not forgotten.
widdleshamrock // October 27, 2009 at 4:47 pm |
Losing someone is sad thWe went through a ‘bad phase’ when Liam was about 7/8. Apparently, there is a new awareness around that age, if that’s what you can call it.
We were ‘lucky’ in that we lose alot of animals, and each time we have been able to reiterate the circle of life. We always lay hands on the animal and give thanks. We have allowed the boys to just feel what it is they are feeling. I think it is all part of the process.
leechbabe // November 3, 2009 at 9:10 am |
Living with lots of animals certainly helps childrens knowledge about life cycles in all sorts of ways.
Barbara // October 28, 2009 at 6:26 am |
Kids are amazing, aren’t they? I’d guess that *just* continuing to be open to her will help her come to terms with her emotions in her own time.
leechbabe // November 3, 2009 at 9:11 am |
Thank you. I do hope that is the case as there is not much else we can do really.
Annelise // October 28, 2009 at 11:21 am |
I think that someone was me, and I almost cried too.
The day before I came over, my cousin had her 21st birthday which included a home video with footage of my sister, which raised a whole lot of feelings because my sister died when she was 4 and I was 6. I guess grief never completely goes away.
Hugs to all of you with Annie’s Granddad’s anniversary coming up.
leechbabe // November 3, 2009 at 8:17 am |
Thank you for being there to listen to Annie when she needed someone to talk to.
S // October 29, 2009 at 4:09 am |
I spoke with someone at work of the same faith as you with a kid about the same age and she wondered if redirecting Annie a little may be helpful so she doesn’t upset herself with conversation so much. Perhaps encouraging her to write down things she would like to share with Grandad and keep them somewhere special.
As time has passed and she has grown a little she may be processing that he is gone more and more and missing him in her everyday life, that is where religion can be helpful I guess.
My workmate’s kid has never had anyone close die yet gets very sad at the thought that his mum and dad and even he will die. Some of it is age related it seems, just starting to try to fathom the unfathomable.
Sorry my little mate is sad but the other thing is she was recounting a conversation to you, was she still sad when she was telling you about being sad earlier or more matter of fact? Waves of sadness are normal for all of us, if she isn’t living in it don’t worry too much. Our girl does love a conversation about lots of things, if it is just one of those things and not the only thing there is likely nothing to worry about.
so said me, the childless, clueless one
leechbabe // November 3, 2009 at 9:16 am |
Some great suggestions there. Thank you. You may be childless but you are not clueless
upsidebackwards // October 29, 2009 at 7:41 pm |
How heartbreaking. My own grandmother is very frail and possibly dying at the moment, and I think I know how Annie feels. What a clever idea to start fundraising for clones, though!
leechbabe // November 3, 2009 at 9:40 am |
Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment
It is a clever idea.
Amanda // October 29, 2009 at 7:54 pm |
We go through similar here. No words of wisdom other than lots of love, and answering their questiosn as best you can.
leechbabe // November 3, 2009 at 9:51 am |
Thank you Amanda.
Adelaide // November 21, 2009 at 4:44 pm |
Hi!
I was looking for a “Grandad thread”, as you did say it was nearly the anniversary.
Also, Autism Victoria and the latest (Spring) issue of The Spectrum have a big piece on grief. A woman named Jaimee talks about it with her 2 sons and her husband who had been a victim of crime.
They also talk about a group they go to in Geelong. And how the guys needed to see the body (they are about the same age as Heidi and Annie, well, the same age-gap).
The site she refers to and started is called:
Its title is Autism and Bereavement.
So if you and Heidi and Annie would like to go there and register … it is there.
leechbabe // November 21, 2009 at 5:31 pm |
Such a timely comment! I had torn that page out of the Autism Victoria newsletter and visited the forum today –
http://asdandgrief.forumwise.com/
It is a a great support to have.